by Lauren Mayer,
illustration by Barbara Hranilovich

I was at a networking event (wearing an outfit that actually fit and a shirt with no spit-up stains) and met a terrific prospect. As we wrapped up, I reached in my pocket for a business card, and pulled out … a pacifier. After an awkward silence, I ad-libbed, “These events can get pretty stressful, right?”

If being a working mother is a juggling act, being a mompreneur is juggling kazoos on a unicycle. As a freelance humorist, I’ve had plenty of those moments where my two roles bumped into each other, whether it was finding Captain Underpants books in a press kit or talking to a client while my kids were bickering in the car. But I’ve learned some helpful coping strategies …

Perspective

Sometimes it’s hard to remember that what we perceive as a disaster is often just an amusing anecdote. A few years ago, I ran into an occasional client when I was in line with my kids at Fresh Choice. They charge for kids by age, so I told the cashier, “He’s 9, he’s 12 …” and my younger son piped up, “And she’s 46.” I was mortified (here I am a humorist and I can’t come up with a cute ad-lib?), but it turns out the client didn’t even notice, as she was too busy balancing her own tray. There are 60 million mothers in the workforce today, so the odds are pretty good that your colleagues, clients, and suppliers are either working mothers themselves or know several!

Planning

I’ve learned to write things down even if I’m sure I’ll remember them (after missing a teacher conference when I was on a deadline). My kids are now used to seeing me talk into a microcassette recorder when I’m driving them to their various activities, and now my husband leaves me notes on the bathroom mirror.

Pampering

Taking care of kids, customers, a house—who has time for pedicures? But I know when I neglect self-care, I’m less creative and much crabbier with my kids. So I multitask—brainstorming over lunch with an entrepreneur friend, talking up my next show to a facialist, going to female-friendly business events. At one of my favorite Ladies Who Launch events, a shoe fashion show/wine tasting/networking evening, I had fun, made some great contacts, AND scored a pair of hot pink pumps on sale!

Patience

… with kids. They are by nature self-centered, so it takes some time to train them to roll with your crazy schedule and the various demands on your attention. Younger kids can be placated by giving them crayons and a notepad so they can “work” alongside you. Older kids love helping, from licking envelopes to sampling products. I’ll even run my comedy ideas by my kids.

… with colleagues. I performed at an event when my first son was a newborn and had to share a dressing room with another speaker, so I asked her if she’d mind if I pumped in our room. She looked at me blankly and said, “Why would I mind if you lifted weights?” She was actually very curious about my breast pump, but couldn’t resist the urge to say “moo” every time I used it. But as a result she developed new appreciation for the challenges of working mothers.

… with ourselves. This is the hardest challenge for a mompreneur, because we can’t do everything perfectly and it’s hard to let things go, whether it’s the messy house, store-bought cookies for the bake sale, or not pursuing every possible business lead. As women, we tend to focus on what we COULD do if we only worked harder and slept less, and we don’t give ourselves enough credit for how much we already do achieve.

When my kids were younger, I was newly divorced and it was some time before my ex could take the kids overnight—needless to say I was beyond frazzled. I had an out-of-town booking on the first night the boys spent with their dad, and the next morning I called my friend Scott (who is now Husband 2.0), sobbing that I was exhausted and I hadn’t had a break from the kids. On the boys’ next night with their dad, I wasn’t working and began worrying about what they were doing, whether they were okay and again I cried to Scott, who was utterly bewildered. “Last week you were crying because you weren’t getting a break from your kids—this week you’re crying because you ARE getting a break—which is it?”

And like any working mom, I realized the answer was BOTH. We love our kids, we love our work, and occasionally we need a break from each. Lightening up on ourselves, and using patience and planning—plus a little pampering—will give us the perspective to juggle our multiple responsibilities and the savoir faire to cope with anything, even when life hands us challenges … or pacifiers.

Lauren Mayer is corporate humorist.